Hosts on IM
by Fighting Cricket
Summary: The Host Club discovers instant messaging. Created by a roleplaying partner and edited by myself, with appearances by our original characters.
1. Chapter 1

**ThirdSeat has just signed on.**

TheKing0101 has just signed on.

InstantCoffee has just signed on.

TheKing0101: haruhi!! your beloved suou is here!!1

InstantCoffee: Tamaki-senpai...? I didn't know you used IM.

TheKing0101: i heard dat this is a popular way 4 commoners 2 keep in touch cuz it was free so i thought it wuld be kool 2 try it!

InstantCoffee: ...Why are you typing like that?

TheKing0101: coz i wanna fit in2 this!! r not u happy i did dis 4 u?

InstantCoffee: --;

ThirdSeat: Tamaki researched chatspeak before he had us download the program.

InstantCoffee: Us?!

**FluffyBunny99 has just signed on.**

TallDarkandBroody has just signed on.

FluffyBunny99: Haru-Chan! Tama-Chan!

ThirdSeat: Hello, Hunny, Mori.

InstantCoffee: Dear lord...

StuckintheSnoburbs: Okay, I'm back...what the hell? Who are these people?

FluffyBunny99: Kyou-chan, who is that?

ThirdSeat: That would be Lec, Hunny.

StuckintheSnoburbs: How do you know that?

FluffyBunny99: Leccy-chan!

StuckintheSnoburbs: Sawadee, Hunny-san.

ThirdSeat: I traced your IP address and retrieved all of your personal information as soon as we entered the chatroom.

StuckintheSnoburbs: ...

InstantCoffee: ...

TheKing0101: haruhiiiiiiiii wanna go out 2day??

InstantCoffee: Not if you keep typing like that.

TheKing0101: Oh fine.

FluffyBunny99: alssadlfjk34240834iujkdf

**FluffyBunny99 has just signed off.**

StuckintheSnoburbs: What happened to Hunny?

TallDarkandBroody: He got cake on the keyboard.

**TallDarkandBroody has just signed off.**

StuckintheSnoburbs: ...

ThirdSeat: Did Mori just talk? Err, type.

StucintheSnoburbs: Leave it up to Kyouya to be so damn literal.

ThirdSeat: You know me too well.

TheKing0101: You haven't answered my question Haruhi!

InstantCoffee: Tamaki-senpai, I have a lot of things to do...

TheKing0101: Like what?!

InstantCoffee: Chores.

TheKing0101: You just don't want to go out with me, don't you?

InstantCoffee: Lol, it's not like that.

TheKing0101: LOL? what's LOL? Is that some kind of code? What's it mean? Liking Ootori's...Lollipops?! Are you cheating on me with KYOUYA?!

InstantCoffee: ...I thought he read a book of chatspeak.

ThirdSeat: Apparently he skipped through the acronyms. LOL means Laughing out Loud.

TheKing0101: STOP TALKING TO MY BELOVED HARUHI!

ThirdSeat: Hai, Tamaki.

InstantCoffee: sigh I'm not cheating on you, Tamaki-senpai.

**EatMyTastyTreats has just signed on.**

EatMyTastyTreats: Word to your mother.

StuckintheSnoburbs: No one would want to cheat on Tamaki with the likes of KYOUYA, anyways.

ThirdSeat: That's not what you said last night in bed.

EatMyTastyTreats: Oh dang, what's going on with Lec and Eager McBeaverection?

ThirdSeat: You have the nerve talking to me about perversion when your screenname is EatMyTastyTreats?

InstantCoffee: That's Zi, Kyouya-senpai. And she could be talking about candy...

TheKing0101: STOP TALKING TO KYOUYA!

InstantCoffee: Tamaki-senpai, you're being ridiculous.

EatMyTastyTreats: Since when do Kyouya and Tamaki use IM?

TheKing0101: I thought it would be interesting to see a commoner's way of communication!

EatMyTastyTreats: And why does his screenname make me want to get a Whopper?

TheKing0101: Eh?

InstantCoffee: Burger King.

StuckintheSnoburbs: I don't particularly fancy that.

TheKing0101: What are they talking about, Kyouya? Burger King?! Whopper?! It's like devil speak!

ThirdSeat: It's a type of fast food.

TheKing0101: Like their food can run 50 miles per hour?

StuckintheSnoburbs: ...

**TheKing0101 has just signed off.**

ThirdSeat: ...

StuckintheSnoburbs: So, your royal pompousness...

ThirdSeat: Nani?! Don't call me that baka.

StuckintheSnoburbs: Make me.

ThirdSeat: Sounds like a challenge. I'll set you straight.

StuckintheSnoburbs: You couldn't make anything straight even if I gave you a yardstick and a sharpie.

InstantCoffee: Kyouya just got p0wned.

ThirdSeat: You fight like a cow.

StuckintheSnoburbs: You fight like a dairy farmer.

InstantCoffee: I'm not sure what that means, but I know Kyouya just got P000WNED twice.

EatMyTastyTreats: Ooh, gonna need some ice for those BURNS!

InstantCoffee: LOL

ThirdSeat: ...damn.

**HostClubROX has just signed on.**

HostClubROX: I just made a new screenname!

EatMyTastyTreats: Shut up, Tamaki. No one likes you but fangirls.

HostClubROX: ...

**HostClubROX has just signed off.**

InstantCoffee: I better stop him before he goes all emo and cuts himself.

**InstantCoffee has just signed off.**

StuckintheSnoburbs: ...

StuckintheSnoburbs: They make an odd couple.

ThirdSeat: I think it's cute.

StuckintheSnoburbs: ...

EatMyTastyTreats: ...

EatMyTastyTreats: AWW! KYOUYA JUST DESCRIBED SOMETHING AS CUTE!

ThirdSeat: STFU!

StuckintheSnoburbs: Who knew he thought things were cute?

ThirdSeat: ...

EatMyTastyTreats: Awww!

ThirdSeat: ...

StuckintheSnoburbs: Do you think Iiiiiiii'm cute, Kyouya?

ThirdSeat: ...

EatMyTastyTreats: Awwwwwwww!

StuckintheSnoburbs: So you don't?

ThirdSeat: No!

ThirdSeat: I mean yes? Argh!

StuckintheSnoburbs: You don't like me anymore Kyouya?

ThirdSeat: OMFG!

EatMyTastyTreats: I feel like I'm going to vomit chibi glitter pony figurines.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far! Regretably, this is the last chapter. However, on at the request of my reviewers, I've included a key listing the characters and their screennames. Thanks for reading!**

**EatMyTastyTreats: Zi, my roleplaying partner's original character**

**FluffyBunny99: Haninozuka Mitsukuni**

**FourthSeat: Kyouya's alternate personality (lolz)**

**HitachiinAlwaysWins: Hitachiin Hikaru**

**InstantCoffee: Fujioka Haruhi**

**KaoRhymeswithChow: Hitachiin Kaoru**

**LaChicaBonita: Rosa, the Hitachiins' maid/an original character**

**LordofDarkness: Nekozawa Umehito**

**TallDarkandBroody: Morinozuka Takashi **

**TheKing0101: Suoh Tamaki**

**ThirdSeat: Ootori Kyouya**

**StuckintheSnoburbs: Lec, my original character**

* * *

Monday

TallDarkandBroody: I get your point, however I'm going to have to disagree to the extent of the extremity you're suggesting. Social security cannot be demolished completely.

LordofDarkness: I'm not saying that it should be completely destroyed, just reformed to a point whereas it doesn't take such a big chunk from a worker's paycheck.

StuckintheSnoburbs: That's true, as how in the future one person would have to support three.

FluffyBunny99: If you ask me, I believe they should raise the limit where one is qualified to receive entitlements. People are living to a longer age, after all.

LordofDarkness: But what about the individuals who are already at the point of retirement? They would be angered.

FluffyBunny99: Hai, but repercussions are to be expected in any type of reform.

**HitachiinAlwaysWins has just signed on.**

**TheKing0101 has just signed on.**

LordofDarkness: That's true. Perhaps qualifications should be changed.

StuckintheSnoburbs: Wistful thinking.

TheKing0101: ...Nekozawa? Hunny? What are you two talking about?

LordofDarkness: ...

LordofDarkness: BEWARE BEELZENEF!

**LordofDarkness has just signed off.**

**StuckintheSnoburbs has just signed off.**

TheKing0101: W T F?

HitachiinAlwaysWins: Hunny don't tell me you were actually -talking- to that kid.

**KaoRhymeswithChow has just signed on.**

FluffyBunny99: Erm... no! Hi Kao-chan! Hika-chan! Tama-chan!

KaoRhymeswithChow: Hmph. Hikaru. You kicked me off the bed again last night.

HitachiinAlwaysWins: -hearts-

KaoRhymeswithChow: -.-;

FluffyBunny99: Tama-chan! How did the date with Haru-chan go?

TheKing0101: It was exciting! We went to the commoner's place to eat...Burger King. Though this 'king' looked anything but royal. His curly moustache thing actually frightened me. And I think he was staring at me.

HitachiinAlwaysWins: It was the dark spell that Nekozawa cast on you, for shining a flashlight on him two nights ago.

TheKing0101: NAAAAAAAAAAANI?! It was dark, and I couldn't see!

KaoRhymeswithChow: Doesn't matter. You nearly killed him.

HitachiinAlwaysWins: Now he's exacting his revenge.

KaoRhymeswithChow: He's going to sabotage every date you have with Haruhi.

HitachiinAlwaysWins: And he's making the Burger King mascot one of his minions.

TheKing0101: OO;;;;;;

**TheKing0101 has just signed off.**

KaoRhymeswithChow: -sigh- He's just too easy.

FluffyBunny99: Waaa... I want some cake!

**LaChicaBonita has just signed on.**

FluffyBunny99: Who's that?

HitachiinAlwaysWins: Rosa, one of our caretakers. She speaks mostly Spanish.

LaChicaBonita: Oy. Ustedes ninos. Debes duermieron.

KaoRhymeswithChow: Rosa, I told you to press that little translator button before you type.

LaChicaBonita: Sorry Kaoru. I had forgotten to push my button, as it is even smaller than my rat cursings.

FluffyBunny99: Rat cursings, Rosa-chan...?

HitachiinAlwaysWins: Mouse cursor. The translator's not perfect. What are you doing on, Rosa?

LaChicaBonita: As I said! You two need to sleep now. Your father doesn't allow you to be on this late!

HitachiinAlwaysWins: Rosa, I could give a rat's ass what my father says.

KaoRhymeswithChow: Oooh, I'm telling!

HitachiinAlwaysWins: You're such a daddy's boy!

LaChicaBonita: Hikaru, don't talk about your father's buttocks so meanly.

KaoRhymeswithChow: I'm still telling!

**KaoRhymeswithChow has just signed off.**

HitachiinAlwaysWins: KAORU!!

HitachiinAlwaysWins: YOU BETTER NOT!

HitachiinAlwaysWins: DAMNIT!

**HitachiinAlwaysWins has just signed off. **

LaChicaBonita: _No translation available_!

**LaChicaBonita has just signed off.**

FluffyBunny99: I guess Hikaru doesn't always win...

TallDarkandBroody: Hai.

**LordofDarkness has just signed on.**

**StuckintheSnoburbs has just signed on.**

FluffyBunny99: Ah, Umehito, Lec, welcome back.

LordofDarkness: So where were we?

TallDarkandBroody: We were discussing the possible reformations that could be applied to Social Security.

StuckintheSnoburbs: Of course.

Tuesday

**InstantCoffee has just signed on.**

**ThirdSeat has just signed on.**

**StuckintheSnoburbs has just signed on.**

ThirdSeat: Hmm, nearly empty chat tonight.

InstantCoffee: Yeah.

StuckintheSnoburbs: Haruhi, how was the date with Tamaki yesterday?

InstantCoffee: Don't... ask... he thought that the Burger King guy was trying to eat his soul, and the onions in his burger were laced with poison.

StuckintheSnoburbs: ...No comment.

**FluffyBunny99 has just signed on.**

**TallDarkandBroody has just signed on.**

FluffyBunny99: Eeee! Hii everyone!

InstantCoffee: Hey, Hunny.

ThirdSeat: Hi Hunny.

StuckintheSnoburbs: Hunny-san.

InstantCoffee: Hunny-senpai, you and Mori-senpai are always signing off and on at the same time...

InstantCoffee: Oi. Tamaki's calling my phone. Brb

FluffyBunny99: So how are you, Leccy-chan? :33

StuckintheSnoburbs: I'm fine. And yourself?

FluffyBunny99: lkskdfasjwqoe2093i

StuckintheSnoburbs: ...?

**FluffyBunny99 has just signed off.**

TallDarkandBroody: Cake.

**TallDarkandBroody has just signed off.**

ThirdSeat: I feel funny.

StuckintheSnoburbs: Ay, Kyouya?

**ThirdSeat has just signed off.**

**FourthSeat has just signed on.**

StuckintheSnoburbs: ...Shoot. Kyou?

FourthSeat: You got it sweet thang. So how about we rock the boat tonight on my yacht? I'll be your captain and I'll sail you across the waters...

StuckintheSnoburbs: WTH!?

**StuckintheSnoburbs has just signed off.**

FourthSeat: Baby don't you run away from me!

**FourthSeat has just signed off.**

InstantCoffee: Ok back.

InstantCoffee: Hey, where did everyone go?

**LordofDarkness has just signed on.**

InstantCoffee: Hi, Nekozawa!

**LordofDarkness has just signed off.**

InstantCoffee: Well you don't have to be rude about it.

Wednesday

**HitachiinAlwaysWins has just signed on.**

**KaoRhymeswithChow has just signed on.**

**StuckintheSnoburbs has just signed on.**

**EatMyTastyTreats has just signed on.**

EatMyTastyTreats: Cool. Two girls and two dudes.

HitachiinAlwaysWins: Boys vs. Girls!

**ThirdSeat has just signed on.**

**LordofDarkness has just signed on.**

EatMyTastyTreats: Aw, you just ruined the even number of sexes!

KaoRhymeswithChow: Nekozawa can be on your side.

LordofDarkness: You cannot make me join these women!

StuckintheSnoburbs: Ume, pleeeeeeease?

LordofDarkness: No! Beelzenef will not let me live this down.

StuckintheSnoburbs: Ume, we're uneven and need a male on our side!

HitachiinAlwaysWin: You could always persuade Kyouya to join you...

ThirdSeat: Forget it. I refuse to participate in this game.

KaoRhymeswithChow: Meh, we don't need Ootori anyways.

StuckintheSnoburbs: I still want Ume on our team!

LordofDarkness: Ok Ikue...but you're coming to next week's meeting. No if's and's or but's.

StuckintheSnoburbs: Agreed.

EatMyTastyTreats: Enough! Round 1, Nekozawa versus Hikaru, FIGHT!

HitachiinAlwaysWins: You're so ugly that when you stuck your face out the window, the police arrested you for mooning!

EatMyTastyTreats: Ouch, that one stung. Rebuttal, Nekozawa?

LordofDarkness: ...yo momma.

HitachiinAlwaysWins: Pfft. Your mother.

LordofDarkness: Your father!

HitachiinAlwaysWins: I don't give a damn about my father. He's a coldhearted, unemotional, calculating bastard.

**KaoRhymeswithChow has just signed off.**

HitachiinAlwaysWins: WAIT! WHAT THE CRAP KAORU?! YOU LITTLE TATTLETALE!

**HitachiinAlwaysWins has just signed off.**

ThirdSeat: I feel funny.

StuckintheSnoburbs: Not again!!

**StuckintheSnoburbs has just signed off.**

**ThirdSeat has just signed off.**

EatMyTastyTreats: Looks like it's just you and me Nekozawa.

LordofDarkness: Beelzenef wants to know if you have a cat. He wants to spawn.

EatMyTastyTreats: ...ew.

Thursday

**LaChicaBonita has just signed on.**

**EatMyTastyTreats has just signed** **on.**

EatMyTastyTreats: Do you have the pictures, Rosa?

LaChicaBonita: Si, Miss. Soriano.

EatMyTastyTreats: Send away.

**LaChicaBonita wants to send file 1HitachiinAlbum to EatMyTastyTreats.**

**EatMyTastyTreats has accepted the file transfer.**

**File transfer of 1HitachiinAlbum is complete.**

EatMyTastyTreats: O

EatMyTastyTreats: M

EatMyTastyTreats: G

EatMyTastyTreats: !!

**TallDarkandBroody has just signed on.**

EatMyTastyTreats: SOOOOOOO ADORABLE! Woah, Mori, you're on without Hunny!

TallDarkandBroody: Eh... Yeah, but... I don't like you that way Soriano.

EatMyTastyTreats: Good! I wasn't talking about you, anyways, check these out.

**EatMyTastyTreats wants to send file 1HitachiinAlbum to TallDarkandBroody.**

**TallDarkandBroody has accepted the file tarnsfer.**

**File transfer of 1HitachiinAlbum is complete.**

TallDarkandBroody: ...

EatMyTastyTreats: Wait for it...

TallDarkandBroody: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!

EatMyTastyTreats: IT'S SO CUTE!

TallDarkandBroody: Kawaii, even!

LaChicaBonita: The power of Hitachiin baby photographics are amazing and delicious.

EatMyTastyTreats: God bless you, Rosa.

**TheLord0101 has just signed on. **

TallDarkandBroody: You have to see this, Tamaki.

TheLord0101: ...what is it?

Friday

**FluffyBunny99 has just signed on.**

**TallDarkandBroody has just signed on.**

**HitachiinAlwaysWins has just signed on.**

**KaoRhymeswithChow has just signed on.**

**StuckintheSnoburbs has just signed on.**

**ThirdSeat has just signed on.**

**EatMyTastyTreats has just signed on.**

FluffyBunny99: Hiiii!

FluffyBunny99: alskdfj23048241i23

**FluffyBunny99 has just signed off.**

HitachiinAlwaysWins: Cake.

KaoRhymeswithChow: Cake.

ThirdSeat: Cake.

EatMyTastyTreats: Cake.

StuckintheSnoburbs: ...Fishsticks?

TallDarkandBroody: He just fell asleep on the keyboard.

**TallDarkandBroody has just signed off.**

ThirdSeat: I feel funny again.

StuckintheSnoburbs: GAAAAAAAAAH!

**StuckintheSnoburbs has just signed off.**

**EatMyTastyTreats has just signed off.**

ThirdSeat: Woops. Just indigestion.

HitachiinAlwaysWins: You had us worried there for a moment, Kyouya.

KaoRhymeswithChow: Yeah...

**FourthSeat has just signed on.**

ThirdSeat: ...

FourthSeat: Hi, Kyouya.

ThirdSeat: omg

FourthSeat: I know what you did in the bathroom last night.

ThirdSeat: OMG! Are you guys seeing this?

HitachiinAlwaysWins: Seeing what?

KaoRhymeswithChow: I don't see anything.

FourthSeat: You're naughty, Kyouya.

ThirdSeat: ...

FourthSeat: Kyoooooooooooooooooooooooooouyaaaaaaaaa...

ThirdSeat: GO AWAY!

**ThirdSeat has just signed off.**

HitachiinAlwaysWins: Ha! You figured out his password pretty fast, Zi.

FourthSeat: It was easy. 'Iheart' and you can figure the rest.

KaoRhymeswithChow: Lec, right?

FourthSeat: Actually, it was 'myhair'. How vain is that...

**TheKing0101 has just signed on.**

FourthSeat: BOO.

TheKing0101: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

**TheKing0101 has just signed off.**

FourthSeat: I smell like peaches.

Saturday

**LordofDarkness has just signed on.**

**InstantCoffee has just signed on.**

InstantCoffee: ...Hi, Nekozawa.

LordofDarkness: Greetings, my dark princess. Will you not take a ride with me through the eternal depths of perpetual sorrow?  
**  
InstantCoffee has just signed off.**

LordofDarkness: Coast is clear!

**FluffyBunny99 has just signed on.**

**TallDarkandBroody has just signed on.**

**StuckintheSnoburbs has just signed on.**

StuckintheSnoburbs: So did you guys hear about the sudden decrease of poverty stricken areas in Uganda?


End file.
